Parade of Lists

I'm a list-maker. Blame it on my mom. I think in lists, I make lists of lists I need to make, and I've converted my husband (who, while visionary and productive, didn't actively follow a ready plan for the day before he met me).

I've been on list-strikes before and I really didn't seem to be as effective or efficient. But, the problem is, I think I'm addicted. I have to make a list of what I need to do at the beginning of the day/week/month/year. Throughout the day I make lists of separate activities and their details that need my attention. At the end of the day I make lists to get it all out of my head so I can fall asleep. Otherwise I lie in bed just wired, like I'm on caffiene.

I'm realizing that I have a hard time deviating from these plans, even though I am the one who set them up. I get worked up on an efficiency high, and then I can't come back down. I can't let go. I'm consumed and driven and stretched thin but unable to recharge. It's not that I don't want balance; I crave it. Problem is, I can't make a list to achieve it; I get too wrapped up in the details.

We started this business saying that we just had to buckle down and make the most of it at first. We had to put in our time and just survive until everything was stable and we could settle down our lives a little. Actually, though, as we've grown from 5 cars to 40 cars in inventory, and brought in a financing department and 5 additional employees, and brought our detailing and shipping in-house, and moved to a bigger facility, and been threatened by half a dozen lawsuits, we find that we are at least as overwhelmed as we were when we started. Granted, Franz no longer works two jobs, and it isn't in our house anymore. But, being partners in marriage and business can be crazy. And we really don't stop working just because we came home. I know we've sent emails time-stamped every one of the 24 hours alloted to a day over the course of the past several months.

So, really, the buckling down created a way of life that took on a sense of normalcy. We complain about it, but are unable to change it. The lists are omnipresent and never finished. Every customer, transaction, vendor presents itself as urgent and threatening. And if we don't do it, who will?

(At least now I can cross "Update Blog" off the list tonight!)