Here, as my family determined it last week, are the ingredients needed for an unforgettable trip to Vegas:
1 set of unusually high expectations
2 small children
5 hours of semi-mountainous driving
1 sinus infection
1 nice off-the-strip hotel room, booked online
1 over-sold hotel
1 helpful upgrade to the Frontier
1 cheapest room on the strip, yet still available
a liberal dash of bikini bull riders
16 oz. "cold beer, dirty girls"
5003 dinging blinking slot machines
5001 bleary-eyed chain smokers
0 other available hotel rooms
6 pounds of Chinese food
1 pillow that resembles a lumpy sheep
1 hysterical baby
Stir gently, while making sure you do not add any dinner until 9:00 PM. Add scary neighbors with neck tattoes and beat on medium speed for 8 hours. Bring to a boil when car has key stuck in ignition, necessitating mother with two small children in tow to singlehandedly manhandle one stroller, two car seats, one rollerbag, two backpacks, one purse, one book, one bag of food, two drinks, one pack-and-play and one humidifier down from the 12th floor in one trip. Then beat on high speed and put under broiler when getting lost trying to find the highway out of town - 11 times. For best results, bring your own pack-n-play, since hourly hotels tend not to stock them, and you wouldn't want to borrow them anyway, even if they did.
Enjoy!
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2 comments:
Did you get any pictures? Or autographs of Bikini Bull Riders?
You forgot to mention the car key!
Your stories are over the top! Please write up the Bahamas vacation and the Vegas trip for future family lore!
Edited just for you, Mom. No autographs or pictures. Just the stark irony of a "Thank you for not smoking sign" on the check-in desk embedded into my memory. I read it 50-odd times while waiting next to it, watching visible clouds of smoke waft overhead from the chainsmokers sitting at the slot machines with ashtrays between every other machine as far as the eye could see; 3 feet away from the sign.
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